if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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