i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.