She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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