i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
