just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
