Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
