I can feel you judging me through the phone.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
