im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
