Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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