so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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