Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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