I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
