i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
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