I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
