i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
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