Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
