Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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