i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
