Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
