Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
