I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
