I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
