it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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