All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
