omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
