Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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