Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Randomize
