Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
