she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
