you guys were way drunker than both of me
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
