she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
