I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I will pee on everything he values.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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