I'm drive I can fine osifer
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
