My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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