Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
