I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
