i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
