you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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