i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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