Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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