Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
