someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
