On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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