ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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