The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck