In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
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Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
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I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(