belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
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Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
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I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!