i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.