Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
