NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
