low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.