my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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