I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
