What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
