'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
