God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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