you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
