So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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