Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I have fence marks all over my body
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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