He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize