He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
