You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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