1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
