I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
