She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
