He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
accomplished twins. life is a go
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
