I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
