you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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