Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
