I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
