I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
this is an emotional support booty call
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
