I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
