You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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