On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
