I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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