I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
