I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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