You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
