watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
