Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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