I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize