It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
