Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
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