I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
