I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
