Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
